Running to the cross!

Blessed Easter Week! This is the week that commemorates the One and Only reason why we/I live, and move, and have our being...The One who was and is and always will be...the One who covers my "am not's" with I AM. And let me tell you...already (it's only Tuesday) this week has been filled to the brim with introspection of the 'am-not's'. For example, I am so not relationally functional and I wonder why my husband wants anything to do with me. I am not pretty, fit or attractive. I am not a good mom...I scream verbal assaults at my children daily and I wonder what God was thinking when He made me a mom. I am not gentle. I am not kind. I am not...I am not....I am not...!!! It's all so depressing at times. Compile that with the list of "he's not's" that I throw on my husband or the "it's not" that I throw on our relationship, and you have one big pile of "poopy" (as Bella calls it).

It's super exhausting to be in this place. I'm not sure if I'm here (again) because of hormones or if God is asking me to do something. I fear that this time I am being challenged to a demolition of sorts. I sense Him calling me back to "The Shack"...consequently, I've ordered a few books I've been feeling the pull to read...The Shack, Soul Repair (Jeff Van Vonderen) and All is Grace (my beloved Brennan Manning). Summer is coming, as is two weeks in Tahoe! Read, read, read! I want to change. I need healing. I'm praying that God will provide the awareness I need and the revelation I need to grow and change.

So, really...though I know the enemy wants to pile heaps of despair and insecurity on me during these times, I also know that GRACE tells me another story. This week is all about that GRACE. Jesus knew how desperate I would be for Him. He knew how the fallenness and brokenness of this life would effect my whole being and that I would need His sacrifice for many reasons! It's a good day to run to the cross. We are on Easter break, so there is nothing really "pressing" for me to do other than love on my family, and fold clothes (ha!)...there's always that, and run...to the cross!