Seasons of Surrender

We have lived in this beautiful place we call home for eleven years now. We moved in on August 16th, 2000. Caleb was only 3 years old. Ben was around 18 months. Silas was still a twinkle of a dream. Little Bella was yet God's dream waiting to be birthed in our hearts. How incredible this journey has been. This home was an unbelievable gift from God those many years ago.

I remember the search well. All of the homes we looked at, but this one! This one was ours! Brian was the first to see it and I still can picture in my head the gleam in his eyes when he sat down and told me of the deer resting under the deck on the side of the house, of the beautiful plank-wood that covered the floors, the "little" touches here and there that adorned the house. I'll never forget the moment I stepped into this place and knew that this is where we would watch our children grow...and where I would later discover...we would all grow!

I write this because today was the day we sat at our kitchen table and shared our lives with our new landlords. This was a day of surrender and certainly a day which marks a new season of our lives. We are saying good-bye to this old friend. As hard as I try not to be sentimental, I am finding that these emotions overwhelm me and I am caught between the letting go and the reaching towards. Yet, I do feel held myself. I do know that strong hands hold me in the balance and I don't have to pretend but I do have to surrender.

I was having one of those chats with Mom and Dad the other morning and I didn't want to cry...I really didn't. Had already put on my face ;) But these words came from my Father's heart and the tears came, because there was that TRUTH that opens the wells. "Babe, Jesus didn't want to die. He went into that garden pleading for another way. Remember, "Not my will but Yours be done!" You are at this crossroad Gina...if I have to drink this cup then I will. Not my will but Yours Lord."

There are these little deaths in our lives where He is working in the cross. It is in these places of surrender where I become, and where I am being made into the image of the One in the garden. I don't want to fight it. I mean, I do, but I don't. I am in the garden these days, but I think I'm through pleading. I think I'm finally surrendering, because I see His hand and I'm reaching for grace in this season. This is truly a season of surrender.

Then, towards the end of the conversation with Dad I had the revelation. From the moment those words were uttered "not my will but Yours"...Jesus's surrender to His Father's will...it was sealed and the ultimate PROMISE of God unfolded on the earth and Jesus, the Word made flesh, the Lamb of God, became the ultimate sacrifice. The promise was LIFE to the world. From death - LIFE! Life will come from this for my family. His ways are not ours. We are held! We have a hope and a future!