Everlasting to Everlasting!!!

At the Base of Yosemite Falls

Last weekend was our Yosemite trip with Mom and Dad (Grandpa and Grandma). What a beautiful time shared with them in the works of His creation. Yosemite is an awesome place to experience the power and wonder of His Majesty! The boys delighted in the raging waters of the Merced River and awed at the grandeur of the mighty rock formations. Silas expressed his excitement when we got out of the car to witness the incredible flow of water..."I Love the Lord!" He shouted it! That little one made the connection and was just basking in the moment; family, creation, surrounded by Love! It was a wonderful trip.

We were even "kissed" on the way home when we stopped at a ranch (and I mean a RANCH...this place was incredible) and viewed a collection of model horses which they had on display for a weekend rodeo event. Caleb has always loved 'Breyer' horse/bull models and displays the few I had as child proudly in his room. They are quite expensive so we've never really embarked on adding to the collection. Well, this was the collection of all collections. The owners were very sweet in allowing us to view them on a Monday. The ranch brought back memories of our times at Wild-R Horse Ranch (pre-children) in Platina (above Red Bluff). Cherished memories of Brian and I's "becoming" and a sweet part of our journey together. We left there knowing that we had experienced yet another snuggle from our Father who knows us so intimately.

So, even after all of the realization of blessing poured out on us last weekend...I slumped into a hormonal mess during the week. Ugh! I was just downright not feeling good at all...emotionally I was a wreck and I would say I went into a bit of a depression. Ahhhh, lovely peri-menopause. You've got to love those night sweats too! I turned into a total "yucky mommy" and this, of course, dragged me deeper into the despair. I think the enemy of my soul just loves this time of the month and has a hay-day convincing me that I am of no use to God...and why would Jesus love the likes of me anyway? Sigh! Then, there's a choice to make...always a choice. Do I believe the lies?...maybe for a time. It's a dark place, and I pray and pray and pray for my period to start so that my body can find a balance. I know it must sound weird...to pray for a period! I'm so thankful when it comes though-and goes!

This leads me to a favorite scripture. It is life-giving...

Psalm 103

Praise the Lord, O my soul;

all my inmost being praise His Holy Name.

Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all His benefits-

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit (every month!)

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

It goes on to read...

As a father has compassion on

his children,

so the Lord has compassion on

those who fear Him;

my favorite part...

for He knows how we are formed,

He remembers that we are dust.

As for man, His days are like grass,

he flourishes like a flower of the field;

the wind blows over it and it is

gone,

and its place remembers it no more,

BUT from Everlasting to Everlasting

the Lord's LOVE is with those who

fear Him,

and His righteousness with their
children's children!

It is now Memorial Day weekend and it has been a very restful one. This is partly due to the rain we are having here in CA, but we also decided that this would be a weekend to just hunker down, with the possibility of taking a ride to Placerville tomorrow for dinner with Grandpa and Grandma and two of their dear friends here from Washington. We'll see how that plays out. Yesterday though, we went to see Prince Caspian. I don't even know what to say, except I left the theatre shaking. Why..you ask? If you haven't seen the movie, then I don't want to give anything away, so I'll just tell you that God is Glorified in this movie! Aslan is returning for His own...and I am one of His own. Beautiful Aslan...beautiful Lion of the Tribe of Judah! I wanted to shout it out towards the end of the movie. I was so touched deep in my spirit by many of the interactions between Lucy and Aslan and I left longing! What a movie. What a God!

I'll end this with a telling of a dream I had last night. A dream of dreams, and I don't think I'll truly be able to find the words to convey it, but I'll try. (My heart is pumping so hard just thinking about it!) So, here I was back at 14 years old. It was like "Aslan" was taking me on a stroll through poignant moments in my life where I first felt specific rejections. I was so "in love" (innocent love) with a boy in high school -my sophomore year- with a boy named Trey. I longed for him, dreamed about him...kind of silly I know. Anyhow, it turns out he really didn't like me "that way" (hee, hee) and I was so badly bruised by this...my first real crush!

Then, all of a sudden, I was sixteen and I was in the home of my first boyfriend. I had such a sweet relationship with his mother, so in my dream, we were naturally in the kitchen just laughing and talking about why things didn't work out. Surprisingly, her son walked in the room and there was some sort of interaction between us. I don't remember what was said, but there was healing that took place somewhere in the depths of me, another hidden place of rejection. (We had a promiscuous relationship and though I repented for this long ago, I guess there was still unfinished business.) Why in a dream? Why not.

Finally, I am a grown woman and I am somewhere on a wide beach with a group of woman. Who they were specifically, I don't know. They were laughing and talking and I felt a longing to be part of what they shared but I knew that I just didn't "fit in". It felt like something was drawing me away from this group so I turned and walked down towards the water. It was a meandering sort of walk and that's when I heard Him! He began to speak to me so softly. The words weren't English but I understood everything. I was holding a jar, a sort of vase-like jar, and as I walked, He told me to begin pouring out the contents of this jar. I recognized its contents immediately. It was bitterness, hurt, pain, and of course, rejection. As I obeyed, I heard a voice behind me calling my name softly. It was my Godmother! I remember- seeing her meant so much to me. My heart became so glad and she too, had a jar. We now walked together and we both poured out all of the contents until the jars were empty.

I have to mention here the peace that I felt. There was a perfect breeze blowing on us and I felt completely at ease in the surroundings. (By the way, my dreams of the ocean are usually terrifying. My ocean dreams come when I am anxious and feeling overwhelmed. Usually a HUGE wave crushes me, or our home or one of my children, and I wake up with cold sweats. I've never had a "good" ocean dream. This went beyond good!) When we got to the oceans edge we noticed two chairs had been placed for us, side-by-side, to sit and relax and let the gentle waves lap at our feet as we sat a while. Suddenly but gently we heard His voice speak once again, and though like I said previously, this was not English, I understood clearly and so did she. If I had to put it into words that I know, He said, "I am going to show you how intensely I love You!" At this very moment, out of the gentle waters before us, rose a TITANIC wave...of magnitude height and power. I remember grabbing the arms of the chair and expressing audibly, "Ohhhhh....here we go!" As the wave began to collapse over us I closed my eyes expecting to be plundered, tossed about, thrown wildly around, killed even! But wait, even though my eyes were closed, I was totally aware that the wave, instead of crushing us, had "stopped" and it hung completely over us. I sensed through my closed eyes the brightest light I had ever experienced. I knew that if I opened my eyes I would be blind! The most intense part of this was the sound! Here is where I am at a loss for words. If LOVE has a sound, then THIS was it! It was like thunder-music... loud, HUGE, harmonious, ROARING. It was HIS LOVE for me. I am welling up with tears as I type this. Oh my God...You love me like this? You surround me like this? Every day? Every minute? Father, You Love me like THIS?!!!!! It was almost too much to bear and when I thought I would be swept away the wave itself turned into the most gentle wind as it fell over us and it rushed back out to the sea from where it came. Wham...I woke up...four o'clock exactly!

I knew I had had a HOLY visitation from my God...and HE loves me, and He loves you Godmom...if you are reading this...and He loves you whoever you are reading this. Intense, powerful, awesome love. Phew!

I feel transformed, again. This is why I titled this entry, "Everlasting to Everlasting"! This is His love for us. I am so excited for the day when I will never have to leave His Presence as I knew it in this dream, and I think this is what heaven will be like...full of surprises...like Narnia!!!!

We still wait with hope for our daughter and we pray daily for the country of China and all of those suffering around our world. May we be a people who allow the Lord to Love others through us...in waves of Love!

A Lovely Dinner in Mariposa

Precious Parents (Grandparents) Under EL Capitan