R E F L E C T I O N S

I had a dream last night... and on my run this morning, I believe God was speaking to me about it, so I just want to post my thoughts here so that I can come back to them when I have moments to ponder. A little background first. If you have followed this thing (my journey) for the past five plus years, you know that I go through these seasons of...I'll call it...wandering, and we all have seasons in our lives where life is just GOOD, everything is clicking, "the stars are aligned" if you will.  They are seasons of prosperity - prosperity of the heart and mind, spirit and soul.  We are grateful for these seasons, no?  They are the places we draw strength from and hope.

However, sometimes life seems scattered and it's so easy to forget who we are.  I don't know about you, but when I forget who I am (and I'll explain this as I move further into this post), I start to slip into old patterns of thinking.  It's like a dripping faucet, that when left undiscovered, can cause some pretty significant water damage (or at least a water stain).  I know when I'm starting to slip into this place because all of those old lies I used to tell myself slowly make their way back in, and I find myself scrambling to create some sense of self-worth and significance.  If that faucet is left to leak for too long without an intervention...yikes!  Take it from someone who knows!

Last night I went to bed crying out in my spirit for an intervention.

The dream - I was in a room with a group of women.  Some of them seemed to be familiar with one another, like they knew each other's stories, accepted each other and loved each other.  Others seemed to be new to this group of women and they sat feeling timid, shy, a bit skeptical, unsure of the sincerity of the women around them (haven't we all been there?)  I was one of those.  I was new to the group, but oddly, I felt a familiarity with a few of them.  We sat scattered, no particular formation, I mean...we weren't in a circle.  It wasn't like church, we weren't in rows.  We sat amongst each other.  At one point, it was announced that the "newbies" were going to receive their necklaces.  It was explained (or maybe I just somehow knew) that these necklaces were significant because they had something to do with our identity.  We were called out one at a time to go up and receive our necklace.  I felt like I already knew which one I was going to receive and for some reason I was excited because I knew that there would be some kind of healing and awareness when I finally put it on.

So, my name is called and I go up to get my necklace.  It was a brilliant platinum, or some kind of precious metal that I had never seen before.  There are these charms hanging off of it.  I look and I am sunk when I realize that one of them is a mirror and the other is a faceless girl...and when the girl is placed in front of the mirror...there is NO image reflected back.  Can you imagine?!!!  I start to panic and I look up to realize that everyone is staring at me!  The anxiety I feel is unmatched and I'm expecting judgement and harsh criticism from the onlookers...but when I gaze on them, all I can see is love and kindness and it's like they already know me and understand me.  I realize that some of them even have the same necklace.

I go back to my seat and at this point I am aware that those seated around me wear the one I received, but they are not moved by it.  They are not wallowing in despair.  They are not affected at all by their lot.  The women start to gather in little groups according to the necklace they wear.  This woman, who reminds me a bit of my mother, but I know it's not her starts to speak to me.  Here's what she says, "You forget who you are.  You forget that you are made in the image of your Creator.  You are not your own, and when you forget who you belong to, it's like you vanish.  Your authentic self disappears and you accept an image that cannot reflect who He has created you to be.  You cannot reflect His LOVE.  He wants you to know Him and seek Him, but more that that, He wants you to know that He KNOWS YOU and He LOVES His unique and perfect creation.  You are His unique and perfect creation.  Your necklace is the one you wear now, on this earth, because it is to be your reminder that if you are not finding yourself in Him, you cannot reflect His image.  This is VERY important to Him because of the plans and purposes He has for you.  When you leave this place and join the multitudes, you will receive a new necklace.  You don't have to think about that now."

At this, I fell into this lovely woman's arms and began to weep uncontrollably.  It felt SOOOOO healing and SOOOO good.  As I wept all over her :) she just held me like she knew.  She understood because she wore the same necklace.  But I wasn't to weep for long.  She lifted my chin and said, in so many words, but lovingly, "Get on with it now!"  Another words, it was like she was saying, "There is work to be done.  Now you have more understanding and He will gather to you those who need to be reminded who they are and who they belong to!"

I ran a gorgeous six miles today and the very first song that came divinely into my ears was, of course, "Remind Me Who I Am" -Jason Gray.  And I listen to it now as I type, and the tears are flowing because He has reminded me once again who I am to Him.  Oh lover of my soul.  "When my heart is like a stone and I'm running far from home, remind me who I am.  When I can't receive Your love, afraid I'll never be enough, remind me who I am!  If I'm Your Beloved, can You help me believe it?"

You have reminded me once again, My Jesus...I'm the one You LOVE!!!