Remind Me!

Home! It was a long morning...up early to get to a Dept. Head meeting at school, then staff meeting, then a meeting with one of my high school students (who decided not to show up...grrrr) and then home just in time to send the boys off and running to the Fam-Jam in Folsom with Pa. I am TIRED! I'm hormonal, drained, overwhelmed and I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep for about five days. That is not an option, so instead, I'm trying to motivate to at least do a little bit of housework before wee one is up and needing me.

I was thinking just a bit ago...maybe I just need a good cry. I haven't let go in while. Mostly because I'm afraid that if I go there, the dam will break and then I'm nothing but a postpartum blubbering nut-job who needs sleep and Prozac. God help me! I've been here before...kind-of...after Silas was born. I remember Brian saying to me, "Do something! Go to a doctor! Anything!" I ended up at a homeopathic doctor's office in Sacramento. She did blood work and told me that just about every hormone in my body was so flat-line that it was no wonder I couldn't function "normally." I feel like that's where I'm at again. Not fun! Of course, progesterone creams and such aren't an option for me right now since I'm nursing. Aaaaah...what to do? Totally worth that precious little miracle sleeping so soundly down in her crib right now, but this pregnancy wreaked havoc on my body (adrenals, thyroid...).

So what's one to do? I called my good friend, Tami (hug you), and whined like a two year old. The only thing I didn't say is, "It's not fare!" Wait, actually, maybe I did say that. I just didn't use those words. She encouraged me greatly, but isn't it just so hard to be encouraged when you are throwing your own pity-party. I complained about my job (I would rather not be a full-time working mom), my house (it's a mess and I just want someone to take out the darn trash), etc...Ha!!!! Poor, pathetic me! OK-I'm going to give it just one good wail...."WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" That felt good.

At the end of the day...I have to chalk it up to an insane hormonal imbalance and when you add to that everything I have on my plate...it's just no wonder...and, it's just life! The only other thing I know how to do, which is the one thing God probably is waiting for me to do...is lay it all at His feet. "Cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you!" I forget that. I forget that He wants to give me rest...that He wants to take care of me like a shepherd tends to his sheep. He wants to carry me through the briars of life until I can walk on my own again. I forget that this is all so fleeting and temporary. I forget that He knows suffering. I forget that he wants to be my burden-bearer. I forget that I can run to Him and cry with Him...and He'll cry with me...because He knows! I just forget.

I think what I need to do is end this with a prayer then. "Lord, you know how week I feel these days...how vulnerable and tired I am. I'm like a lost little child some days needing to be found, scooped up and reminded how precious I am to You. You know what weighs heavy on my heart and in my soul. Remind me that You paid the price for all of it and You will make a way in the wilderness...through my dark and weary days, my worn-out, tired days. Be my strength Lord. Be my song in the night. Remind me that I am Your child and I can rest in Your big, strong arms when I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Remind me!"

Amen! ;)